God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
