i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
