I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
