The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
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