Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
