It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
It's never too late to be topless.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
