so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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