We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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