i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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