I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Randomize
