I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
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