i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
