You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Randomize
