i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
