my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
i black out too much to be "responsible"
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