I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
