people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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