just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
