May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
