You're completely useless in the revolution.
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I would ride that face into the sunset
Randomize