tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
