Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
