So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize