Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize