...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I think people are normalizing furries
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize