Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I need to wash the frat house off of me
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize