PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
