he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
