At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
