i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
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