Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
