a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
