just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
