I saw his package. It spoke to me.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Randomize
