I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Rumble strips road head = magical
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
