Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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