Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
