Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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