What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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