For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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