what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
