Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
