I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
