All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
My feet surprised me
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