The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
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