Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Randomize
