Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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