How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Randomize
