i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
