Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Randomize
