Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
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