No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Randomize
