i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
