Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
You did what with his pubic hair?
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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