Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize
