yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize
