I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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