We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
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