found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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