we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
