i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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