Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
