Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
