Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
