Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
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