i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
