There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
