I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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