I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
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