So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
